This post expands on just what the title says: how life is easier when you’re not living for recognition. I’ve come to realise the same in the last few months. I’ve been doing things because I want appreciation. This was never the case with me. I was as awesome-sauce as a saint.
I don’t really have a one-track mind. I like to do a little of everything. Draw, make cards, write, study, play the guitar, and other little things included in everything. Now, this was easy when I didn’t want any appreciation for them. (Of course, I liked it when I did receive it, because even saints are human-beings, much as they’d like to deny it, but the lack of it didn’t bother me much.) However, ever since I’ve entered college, for some reason, I’ve become much more competitive. I’m usually unimpressed by things because in my mind I’m thinking: “So what? I can do much better.” The other day I made a comic for a friend’s birthday (which is in about a week), and my brain has made such a big issue out of whether I should covert the comic into a greeting card or if I should post it on her Facebook wall (more validation from other people). I started a design internship last month. I was satisfied with a month-long experience, and yet I was wondering if I should not-quit just for the sake of “doing an internship” (continuing with it, in this case). If I ever create/do something I’m proud of, I’m always in a dilemma whether to post it on some social media platform (not just to “share” it with people so they can have a good laugh/appreciate the work but so that they think more of me) or not.
Ah, I feel like a bad person.
It is extremely unsatisfactory to be living like this. A creation (comic, written piece, drawing, etc) should only get my attention till it is being created. Once that’s done, where it goes and how it goes shouldn’t bother me! Man, I miss my old cool saintly self. If I ever meet her, I’m going to give her a pat on the back. Rant over. Ciao.